Kiwi Kriegie

Questions were aimed at teasing out in detail everything thathad happened from the time we crashed to the time I was pickedup. They were trying to 'set up' any Frenchman that had helpedat all. Therefore it became a game in which all answers had to appear reasonably cooperative but which on analysis would prove useless in putting the finger on anyone.

The 'Dum Englander' was the only role I could dream up. As an example it went something like this:­

'Where did you get the civilian jacket and cap'

'A man gave it to me'

'What man'

'A man who was ploughing the field'

'When did he give it to you'

 'The day after we were shot down'

'Where was this'

'In a field somewhere in Brittany near where we were shot down'

'Did you go to his house'

'No, I was too frightened to go near a house at that stage'

'What did the man look like'

'He was about my height but had a darker complexion than me'

'What colour was his hair'

'I don't know he had a cap on'

'How was he dressed'

'He had a blue shirt and corduroy trousers'

'Did he have anything that you particularly remember, something that may have looked strange to you'

'No (pause) yes he wore wooden clogs!

Whereupon there would be some laughter from the Jerry and a rapid exchange between the two of them in which the expressionDumkopft' would figure. Then laboriously the interpreter would
explain that down in Brittany all peasants dressed in blue shirts and corduroys and, unlike the Germans, had to wear wooden clogs because they couldn't afford anything better. I would look duly impressed with such erudition.

Another example. Having admitted to obtaining a bicycle from where it had been 'lying abandoned at the side of the road'(they never managed to pin me on the civil crime of stealing the bicycle because they never did find the machine) and to cycling some days towards Paris, we would get this sequence:­

'What did you do that night'

'I went to a house and asked for food'

'Was the house standing on its own'

'No it was in a village'

'What was the name of the village'

'I don't know I didn't see a name'

'But you must have seen a name, all villages have their names

up in the main road at each end'

'I didn't come into the village on the main road, I put mybicycle under the hedge a bit out of the village and came tothe back of the house through the fields'

'Who was in the house'

'A man and a woman'

'Did they speak English'

'I don't think so, I spoke a bit of school French and madesigns that I was hungry'

'Describe the man'

'About my height dark complexion hadn't shaved for maybe twodays, brown eyes'

'How was he dressed'

'Blue shirt no collar sort of scarf thing round his neck and an old waistcoat, brown corduroys.'

'Describe the woman'

'Bit shorter than me dark hair tied in a lump at the back ofher head, brown eyes'

'How was she dressed'

'Dark sort of dress'

'What were their names'

'Don't know they didn't say much to each other,
if they used aname I didn't hear it'

'What was the room like'

'I didn't see much, I didn't go inside, I stood at the door'

'Did they give you any food'

'Yes, they gave me a piece of bread,
quite a big chunk really a piece of meat loaf and a drink of cider in a bowl'

And you didn't go inside'

'No I drank the cider on the doorstep and gave the bowl backand took the bread and meat with me'.

'What did you do then'

'I went to sleep in a shed place that had some old straw in it.'

'Did the shed belong to the people that you saw at the house'.

'I don't think so, it was across a couple of fields from the village'.

And so it went, to cover the whole period from the crash to the capture. Now and then to add a little variation to the tale and hopefully to add a little authenticity or at least to give the Jerry an excuse to prove their superiority to the 'Dum Englander', I could pull something like this:­

'What was the name of the village

'I don't know (pause) Yes I do, I saw it on a sign on the hill
just as the road came over a little rise and twisted round a bend into the village'

Obvious reawakening of interest on the part of the Jerry!
'What was it called'

'It was something like 'L A N G S A M"
(spelling it out with some effort)

A moments pause while this sunk in then great guffaws from the Jerry and explanations to the 'Dum Englander' that this was a German sign put up by the great German army to tell its drivers to slow down on the turn into the village. I would look suitably impressed though a little shame faced at making a fool of myself again. In the general sorting out of the situation we seemed to lose the place a bit and went on to the next day.

Another time I invented a dog that was in the house where this time I was sitting at the table having some bread and cheese and a bowl of cider.

'What was the name of the dog'.

'I don't know - Yes I remember now, the woman called the dog over and gave it some food from the table, the dogs name was Tien, she held out a bone and called "Tien"'.

Lots more guffaws, didn't I know that whenever a Frenchman gave something to an animal he would say 'tien', it means 'take'. Once more I was suitably impressed.


However this could not be done too often and most of the narrative would be routine and 'oh so boring' to the Jerry. I hoped it would be anyway.

Having gone through the whole story in this way, and having signed all copies of all pages I would be transported back to the jail and eventually back to my own cell. I might even get a bit of extra grub on arrival. I particularly remember one night a dish of beans flavoured with small pieces of bacon which was delicious, I think it must have been part of the guards supper.

All would be peaceful for maybe a couple of days then all hell would break loose. There would be a rush of jackboots on the gangway and gallery, the cell door would be flung open. One of the officers would burst in followed by two SS goons.

There would be shouts of 'All lies, Verdamnt Englander, you will be shot!'

The two goons would take a few swings at me which could be coped with so long as you kept your face and throat covered and took care not to go down on the floor where they could put the boot in. The trick was to back up to the wall with your bottom supported and lean forward a bit. It would be dangerous if they got you fixed against a firm background where you couldn't roll with the punches. They obviously would have gone through the transcripts of the last interrogation session and found that there was nothing there that they could actually take action on. 

All would calm down after a few minutes and we would all pile into the car and back to H.Q. in town to start the whole process over again, perhaps with a new interpreter. I don't think that the Jerry s hearts were really in it and as I said they were only the B team. The top team would have made mince meat of me in short order. The whole thing depended on keeping them basically convinced that I really was a dum Englander', cooperative, but really with nothing of interest to tell them.

Galbraith Hyde